Saturday, January 14, 2012

5 Groups of People Who Would Probably Hate Superheroes

It's List Saturday! To kick off my weekly countdowns I wrote up this little number, I hope you enjoy.

Not everybody loves superheroes, yet not all of these dissenters are fully portrayed in comics. Here are a few suggestions of possible superhero haters.

5. The Legal System-
Naturally, most superheroes are vigilantes, they take the law into their own hands without much regard for the standard channels of law enforcement. This status would ultimately take a toll on the legal system as many heroes play the role of investigator and enforcer. So, unless the hero is particularly good at collecting evidence legally or can testify in court, many villains probably could find a good enough lawyer who could find a way around the whole situation. Heroes would probably waste plenty of government money on court cases that would ultimately end in an acquittal of the evil villain.

4. Insurance Companies-
If there is one thing comics have taught us, it is that the best battles have a lot of collateral damage. Cars are crushed, buildings are smashed random bystanders are hurt or occasionally killed. However, by the next issue, everything is fine and rebuilt. It leads me to ask the question, who pays for all this? The answer is the insurance companies. Considering most valuable property has some form of insurance, not to mention health and life insurance, one can expect that companies have a lot of claims every time some random wacko with lazer eyes decides to slice a building in half. I am honestly surprised the greatest enemy of the justice league isn't some evil conglomerate of insurance companies trying to stop random destruction.

3. Personal Injury Lawyers-
Once again, heroes end up causing a lot of destruction. Every time Superman chooses to punch evil monster into a building instead of just melting its face with his laser eyes, he risks injuring a good amount of people. Normally, when someone is injured in a freak accident that they did not cause, they have the option to attempt a lawsuit to gain compensation, not the case with heroes. Since heroes are unknown in the real world it is safe to assume suing one would not end well. The villain who incited the destructive response may be tried, but I figure they tend to hide their money as they clearly don't mind breaking laws. On the other side of the coin, heroes also prevent a lot of personal injury which would normally give an attorney a nice paycheck. between these two options it may be safe to assume that there wouldn't be many lawsuits a personal injury lawyer could actually do.

2. Airline Passengers-
Think of a superhero. They can probably fly. Whether by their own power or by some secret super powerful jet, superheroes enjoy flying around to atop evil and save the day. Now, imagine being at an airport the day some evil genius tries to blow up the city you are flying to. That whole place would be on lockdown. Airports shut down every time somebody tries to blow up their underpants, imagine if giant battles were taking place between the forces of good and evil. Considering the regularity of massive attacks on the planet, it would be surprising to fly without being delayed by a battle.

1. Other Nations With Fewer Heroes-
This one seems pretty straight forward. Countries with more power than other countries like to show it off. If every country had a Superman level hero, wars would probably be fought gladiator style, with each countries superheros duking it out for their homeland. This would cause a problem for the nations that inexplicably have no heroes or fewer than average. Unless they had the best of the best they would be SOL in the global hero arms race. This disparity would probably lead to some diabolical plot to destroy the other heroes thus creating a large conflict between nations.

There you have it. Check back tomorrow for a discussion from the archives. I will be writing about the oh so wonderful and cornball world of the original X-men.

-Peter