Friday, February 3, 2012

Fact Friday, and why Grant Morrison frightens me

It is Friday once again, and that means I must enthrall discover the hidden underbelly of comics. However, between schoolwork, work, and everything else I have neglected to meet my standard quota of 3 facts a week. Where I lack in quantity I will make up in quality. I offer this gem of an interview given by Grant Morrison in an interview.

1. Grant Morrison has dirty thoughts about the DC comic universe.
Anyone familiar with Morrison's work on comics, or his book "Supergods", will know that Morrison loves comics in an unusual way. Rather than a standard fanboy type appreciation, common in your run of the mill comic dork, Morrison takes the characters he writes for on new and strange journeys through their own psyches history as characters. The best example of this is Morrison's run in Batman. However, in this following interview from the Institute of Contemporary Arts in 2003. 
Warning, this is not appropriate for children.

Then, when I drive the DC Universe home, I’ll say, “you’ve got something on your mouth,” and it’ll say, “where?” and then I’ll swoop in and lay a kiss on it, and say, in a very soft and tender voice, “there.”

Then, after a little bit of kissing about, I’ll lightly brush my hands across the DC Universe’s nipples.  And if it gives any sort of pleased reaction—which I expect it will, because I think sixty years of life without any action will have made the DC Universe a randy little thing—then I’ll rub my hands back and forth across its nipples, exciting it. 

And then later, I’ll have the DC Universe naked and in my bed, and I’ll put on this very special mix tape I’ve already made for the DC Universe.  A little bit of trip-hop, a little bit of house, but also this absolutely brilliant Sade song. 

And then, I’ll be rogering the DC Universe something fierce, and it’ll say, “Oooo, Grant, no comic book writer has ever made me feel this way,” and I’ll say, “It’s because I’m also a reasonably competent artist, and also I have a tongue stud,” and the DC Universe will start bucking involuntarily against me, and moaning, “Brave and The Bold me, Grant, Brave and the Bold me.”  And then I’ll reach into my bedstand and pull out the Talking Hulk Hands. 

And I’ll have the DC Universe down on all fours while this one Dr. Octagon song is playing, and I’ll be all, “You like that, don’t you, you wet little comic book universe?  You like some hot intra-company crossover action, don’t you?” And it’ll be all “Yes, oh God, yes,” and then I’ll rap on the wall three times and Mark Millar is going to come out of my closet with a video camera rolling and a Captain America suit on. 

And I’ll be all, “I bet Mark Waid never made you feel like this, did he?” and before the DC Universe can say anything, Millar and I will start our synchronized sexy Glasgow boy band dance routine…it’s a very powerful Scottish tradition which involves a lot of spanking and gossiping about other comic book writers:  the intention to be to drive the DC Universe into such a wild state, it becomes incontinent with lust and screams, “I must team up with both of you!”  And then we have what could be described, on one level, as a comic book three-way orgy.